Codependency

Codependence is a generational learned behavior, usually in childhood, from dysfunctional family systems. Codependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships. Codependency can lead to a disconnect from your own needs, encourages an unhealthy relationship dynamic, and affect a person’s overall sense of self and well-being.

Initially, the term codependent was used to described persons living with or in a relationship with an addicted person. However, today the term refers to a much broader view of a specific “relationship addiction” characterized by preoccupation and extreme dependence (emotional, social, and sometimes physical) on another person.

Individuals who have experienced trauma, especially physical, sexual, or verbal abuse due to a loved one’s addiction or mental health conditions, are at high risk for developing codependency and control issues. There is also a significant correlation between narcissism and codependency. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent(s), then you were regularly exposed to shame, guilting, criticism, poor boundaries, controlling behavior, blaming others for any problems (you), ruthless and unforgiving expectations, and a manipulative cycle of “love bombing” and “gaslighting.”

Some characteristics of codependency are:

Deep-seated need for approval from others

Self-worth that depends on what others think about you

A habit of taking on more work than you can realistically handle, both to earn praise or lighten a loved one’s burden

A tendency to apologize or take on blame to keep the peace

A pattern of avoiding conflict

A tendency to minimize or ignore your own needs.

Excessive concern about a loved one’s habits or behaviors

A habit of making decisions for others or trying to “manage” loved ones

A mood that reflects how others feel, rather than your own emotions

Guilt or anxiety when doing something for yourself

Doing things you don’t want to do, simply to make others happy

Idealizing partners or other loved ones, often to the point of maintaining relationships that leave you unfulfilled

Overwhelming fears of rejection or abandonment

If you answered yes to a consistent pattern of any of the above behaviors that have impacted your relationships, then contact me today, and we can get to work on breaking this cycle of dysfunctional relationships